My Autistic Cowboy

We stood by the side of the road to catch our breath.  Quinn wasn’t able to walk far without falling, adding yet another boo-boo to the connect-the-dots style scabs on his knees and elbows.  His tiny hand gripped mine for balance. Though my hand was there, my heart and mind were far away.  I was absorbed in my own world, in the midst of a challenging medical diagnosis and relationship breakup.  How was I supposed to guide this little guy if I myself needed something to help me take the next step on our walk?  I was out of ideas and energy, grasping more to my sadness than his hand, and so I asked for a miracle. I needed something big to convince my feet to take another step.  

I’m not sure what I expected when I thought “miracle”. Perhaps the clouds would part and brilliant beams of light would illuminate the path for me.  Perhaps Publisher’s Clearing House would stop us by the roadside and claim me the sweepstakes winner giving us a limo-style lift home.  But instead the most subtly powerful thing happened – so understated I could have easily missed it.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Quinn, unprompted, picked up one knee and hold it there.  Both of our worlds shifted.  I knew something sacred had happened.  Let me explain.  

As a yoga educator, previously working in an international autism therapy center, I’ve had the unique opportunity to work with the parents of autistic children and the professionals that support them, from all over the world.  I was always amazed by these exceptional families.  It seemed in their often exclusive behavior, that autistic children were connected to an inward driving force that many yogis and spiritual leaders take a lifetime to acquire. In fact, to my untrained eye, it appeared our busy reality was more disruptive than anything to the autistic experience.  I knew it was socially acceptable to say I wanted to help these children, but truthfully I wanted to learn from them as much as help.  To justify my want to spend more time with Austistic children I’d begun developing a yoga and breathing program for special kids.  The goal being to help these amazing kids connect in comfortable ways to the world around them, and also support their caregivers and professional staff by sharing ways to avoid burn out and nourish themselves.  

Now Quinn is a fascinating little boy.  He is many amazing things, and also autistic. When I began working with him a few months ago a recent evaluation concluded that while he is five years old, he in many ways demonstrates the intelligence of a seven year old.  The body however, that houses his brilliance, has the motor skills of a toddler.  Ever had a nightmare where you are desperately trying to run away from the “bad guy” but you just can’t seem to move fast enough?   This is how I imagine the intensity Quinn must feel when he wants to speak, or run across the room to reach something, but the words and movements get stuck in his body.  

After physical assessments it was clear that Quinn’s core muscles were not always active, causing him to walk using his hips in his version of a squatting John Wayne style shuffle.  His balance as a result was compromised making big falls a daily event.   In short my goal was to help Quinn engage his core muscles, stretching upward, and become more aware of his legs and feet as he walks.   

We had created fun games to inspire Quinn to stand up tall and feel his feet on the floor.  In an effort to strengthen the stabling muscles in his hips that would help him catch himself from a potential fall, I had initiated our version of the Crane Pose in Yoga (traditionally done standing on one leg with arms outreached to the sides).  Quinn and I call it “one knee up”.  Now for most of us the reason we practice such a pose is because it is challenging.  Give it a try – stand tall for a moment, draw your belly in as if hugging your spine. Allow your arms to be relaxed as you reach them out to the side and raise one knee to hip height.  Once more imagine that for Quinn this challenging pose feels like he is standing a cushy pillow, or wobbly skate board, rather than the solid ground we feel.  For the shear challenge of picking up one leg Quinn was often reluctant to try.  Struggling to stand already, my request to pick one leg up was often the last straw.

And yet on this day, when I paused and made a silent request for the strength to take another step, Quinn showed me how. Quinn demonstrated that despite his daily challenges he was willing to not just walk the path ahead, but climb with legs raised high. Couldn’t I do the same?  My brain and body worked in unison, if Quinn could rise to the occasion could I? Now Quinn didn’t take off in a gallop down the road suddenly able to run free.  In fact he held my hand dearly for support for the rest of the walk, but this time I held his on purpose. And we walked home, one step at a time, with the occasional “one knee up”.

Gradually Quinn’s John Wayne shuffle has given way towards a more balanced stride.  While his swagger may have lessened, his modern cowboy style of strength of spirit has only grown.  Quinn doesn't ride the dusty range, but this cowboy shows enough strength and spirit to rival even the toughest of western outlaws.  My cowboy is five.  He’s autistic. We take baby steps, and if I keep my eyes open I see the simple miracles he creates every day.

Lettuce Wrap to Gangster Rap: A Yogi on Tour

Whoosh, slide. I unfurl my yoga mat backstage, on a slab of concrete where limelight and divine light will merge. Pop, pop, and my meditation chime has been replaced with the recorded gunshots that blast through a sound system so large, it takes an army of tractor trailers to haul it around the globe. Hum and heat, tour bus generators provide the white noise to cancel out the screams of the crowd and synchronize with my ujjayi breath. I giggle. Did the ancient monks who founded yoga mean 40 cities in 60 days when they shared the idea of meditation in motion with us?

When rappers start drinking coconut water and doing yoga before busting rhymes that contain more bleeps than lyrics on the radio, one thing is clear: There is a meditation revolution happening. As the wellness coach for one of the most prolific celebrity rap stars of our time, I’ve had the opportunity to witness this firsthand. Right now, the only thing louder than the bass pounding is the voice of my inner guidance telling me that our stream of consciousness is expanding.“Karlee,” it says, “unless you want to paddle upstream, best go with the flow.” But as I put my boat in the uncharted waters, I wonder: Where will this river take me?

I grew up in a Kripalu, back when it was an Yoga ashram in Pennsylvania. We donned all white for weekly satsang, joyfully did Down Dog as if it were our jobs (or, in this case, seva), and, as kids, were told that carob was real chocolate. Suddenly, I find myself squeezing between people on a tour bus to massage a high-profile client clutching a Blackberry in one hand, with an assistant about to put some other device in the other. While these surroundings may be a far cry from the tranquil woods I grew up near and the devotees who raised me, being in this environment has taught me that there’s more Deepak in hip-hop than I could ever have imagined. The rapper Biggie Smalls told us, “Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart’s in it, and live the phrase: Sky’s the limit.” It’s clear that the sky Biggie mentions continues to rise as both rap stars and yogis consistently expand the realm of what we once thought possible. From the mountains of India to the streets of Detroit, prophetic poets emerge from any and all places to help us expand our boundaries.

The triumphs of these rap stars, many of whom were raised in impoverished communities, speak to the power of focus, dedication, and inspired growth that can emerge if we choose to shine. In much the same way that my family gathered to chant with our guru, hip-hop fans also know the impact of gathering around those who have devoted their lives to celebrating that which makes them feel most alive. While our Sanskrit chorus didn’t hit the Top 40, the lyrics sung nightly by thousands of ticket holders carry with them a similar unity that empowers even the most timid of fans.

Again, I feel a strong force telling me, “If you think this is about rap, fame, or even the private jet you’re on right now, your foresight has been blinded by the glare from all this bling. This hip-hop empire is about channeling an energy greater than what we were told is possible, not just defying social standards, but creating entirely new benchmarks by which human success can be measured.” Indeed, these lyrics from the Kottonmouth Kings, a rap group, could have fallen from the lips of an ancient yogi: “You are a sacred being of light, projected into reality for a purpose! Demand the right to your moment in this holographic gift; with no rules, no borders, except for those you choose to accept and live by.”

I gave a talk last winter to a group of business owners about the power of integrating yoga into their livelihood. I asked them to consider what their yoga was, whether on or off the mat, to identify the activities they already engage in that help them feel most like themselves, and what gives them a conscious connection to prana, life force. Today, I ask a different question: What is your hip hop? Will you speak your truth even if it’s contrary to mainstream opinion? Will you embrace your talents, that which brings you the greatest joy, and dare to share that bliss with the world?

After the overnight drive, I step off the bus to bathe in the early daylight. I unwrap my organic protein bar and turn up the volume on my iPod. Right now, a good Sun Salutation will bring me the greatest joy, so I start here. I find the less I juxtapose the difference in these seemingly separate worlds I move in, the more time I have to bask in the truth they both offer. While I may not be in one place long enough to have a mailing address, yoga has never been about the external experience. I know it’s the internal journey that guides me home, and that has always been the case. Whoosh, slide … again my yoga mat opens to serve as the raft in this merging stream of consciousness.

Article as published by Kripalu Center December 2011

Our Marvelous Messy Connection

I can’t remember what yoga pose we did next or how stretched or not my muscles felt after that class. I can’t tell you the names of everyone in the room, or what month of the year it was. But I can tell you that this moment has inscribed it’s self into my memory, earning a well deserve spot on my list of watershed experiences. For on that day, unbeknownst to her, Karen had unleashed upon me a challenge: Do I have what it takes to really be me, even if I think it’s not what people want to see? ...

Click to read more ...

Meditation in the Grocery Store?

Have you ever tried to open your car door with one hand, hold your groceries in the other, and balance your cell phone propped between your shoulder and ear? When you rush to multitask, without thinking about it you’re using your fight-or-flight response. Believed historically to help us catch our dinner (or run from those who would make us theirs!), this part of our nervous system gives us the drive to race from one activity to the next ...

Click to read more ...

The 3 Minute Mental Vacation

I get it, we’re busy. Between work, school, appointments, laundry, finding the right kind of apples in the grocery store…well it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves. Over the years I have found myself in bed with migraines or aches and pains because, quite frankly, that was what it was going to take to get me to slow down and rest. The irony of it all is that when we are rested, healthy, and focused we can get much more done in a shorter period of time. So open the window of your mind, and promptly throw out the old adage “No Pain No Gain” because feeling better can be quite simple and fast ...

Click to read more ...